i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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