Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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