Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
