If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
