the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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