do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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