She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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