This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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