Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
