I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You can't motorboat a personality
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
