if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
