dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Randomize
