Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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