yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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