I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
