I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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