It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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