After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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