I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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