I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize