Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
