Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
