I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
