Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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