i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
