Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
