Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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