Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
