i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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