Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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