Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
