Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize