i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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