My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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