I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
