i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
