so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize