my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
