I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
