i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
