he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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