Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
