I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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