Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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