I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
