there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have aggressive nipples.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize