why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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