I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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