It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
