Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
