i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
