Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
