so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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