I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
