we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
