Your face is a jimmy john
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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