i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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