Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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