i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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