sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
