Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
