I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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