Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
