dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
