Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Are my feet made of real feet?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
