I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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