the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
