just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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