No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
