I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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