Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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