Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it glows. i had to have it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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