im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
