Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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