Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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